2.18.2020

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Today, I was given my feedback for the essay that I wrote using the paragraphs from the previous extended work. I made sure to re-edit the parts that needed improvement such as creating another title to support the main one, but it turned out that I did miss a few aspects that I later did re-write. The advice was mainly divided into 2 categories. One was towards structural properties while the other was about the information of the essay. From seeing the advice, I reflected on utilizing more time to go through the essay because there were some mistakes that I could have understood if only I took my time to read carefully. For example, one mistake that Mr. Paterson gave me was from the use of personal pronouns. I had written the word “didn’t” mid-way through my conclusion paragraph which I could’ve changed. This showed the inconsistency of my edits, and therefore, I had learned the importance of not only gaining peer checks but also giving personal advice Another problem that was pointed out, was the layout of the citations. Since I copied the final essay from word to google documents, the original layout of the citations was reset, which affected the look of the essay. There were also some “bad strawberries” of the citations in the essay that I had to fix.

As for the context of the essay, something that was pointed out was the coordination
of the paragraphs to the thesis statement. The arrangements of the arguing points and the
arrangement of the body paragraphs was not coordinated, which can confuse readers on the
priorities of the writer’s statements. Relating to the idea of connecting the thesis to the body
paragraphs, some word usage was not included in the statement, which will veer the paragraph
in a different direction. I also forgot to add a limitation at the end of the conclusion paragraph,
which was the biggest mistake I made for my final essay. In writing my limitation, I want to
be careful to talk about a problem that I hadn’t covered during my essay, and not about the
essay itself because then, it would not be considered a limitation, and it would only be a
reflection.

Through writing an essay, I learned the importance of reviewing my essay. Although I did edit
frequently, I noticed that I tend to miss some mistakes. Moreover, since this was an individual
project, peer checking wasn’t very involved. This means that compared to the group essay, I
was less focused on critiquing it and rather, more on making sure the citations were correct.
For subsequent essays in the future, I would like to create a balance between editing and
writing, so that it checks all criteria. For now, I would like to work on improving the essay by
checking each mistake that Mr. Paterson commented on the google document.


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